Melinda Ferguson — Bamboozled, In Search Of Joy In A World Gone Mad
With Melinda Ferguson — Bamboozled, In Search Of Joy In A World Gone Mad
In short
Melinda Ferguson traces the line from teenage alcoholism and heroin and crack addiction to a written-off Ferrari, a misdiagnosis of bipolar 2 and, eventually, supervised psilocybin ceremonies that she credits with dismantling her fear. She talks through lockdown despair, buying a mountain cabin days before a neighbour's murder, and why abundance turned out to be a mental state rather than a bank balance. The one takeaway: Ferguson's recovery began in 1999 on a homeless farm with nothing, and her first memoir came only after roughly five years clean.
How did Melinda Ferguson's addiction start and how far did it actually go?
It began in childhood and ended on the streets. She describes smoking at four, drinking at nine, being a teenage alcoholic in high school, then being offered heroin at 23 and saying yes. She became a heroin and crack addict, was gang raped, lived with dealers and temporarily lost her two babies.
What did getting clean in 1999 actually look like?
She got clean on 1 September 1999 on a homeless farm, with the clothes on her back and a couple of outfits donated by a church. Her children were gone and her husband had left her. She describes crawling back into the world full of shame, regret and self-hatred, staying clean one hour at a time.
What happened with the Ferrari crash and what did it do to her?
In 2013, celebrating fourteen years clean, she was lent a Ferrari California for the day, overtook a slow truck, missed a red light and was T-boned by a Pajero. Nobody was hurt, but the R3.2 million write-off left her with PTSD, constant crying, sleeplessness and a nervous breakdown.
Why did she come off the psychiatric medication she was prescribed?
Because it left her feeling like a zombie and she believes the diagnosis was wrong. After three weeks in a clinic she walked out with a bag of medication and a bipolar 2 label, when what had actually happened was trauma — the crash plus discovering her boyfriend's betrayal. A psychiatrist she met on Tinder tapered her off.
Why would someone in recovery from heroin agree to take psilocybin?
Research and one particular fact changed her mind. Her first reaction was horror — she pointed her partner to her own memoir. Then she met Monica Kromhot, read Johns Hopkins results and papers by psychiatrists and neuroscientists, and learned Bill W, founder of the twelve-step programme, had worked with LSD while sober.
What was the first psilocybin journey actually like?
Terrifying, then transformative. She took five grams — what she calls the therapeutic dose — in a safe space with trusted watchers, and resisted for about an hour before feeling like Buzz Lightyear pushing through a veil. She came back four or five hours later with no craving at all, feeling full, calm and at peace.
How did lockdown affect her?
It caused real trauma and a loss of faith in what she was being told. She found the rules irrational, felt people were being mass manipulated, and was attacked online for questioning anything. Unable to gather, she did two journeys alone, linked by Zoom to other travellers, one of them a dark vision of human suffering.
How did she cope with a woman being murdered two doors from her new cabin?
She used it deliberately as material for facing her fear of death. The murder happened three days before registration of the house she had bought as a refuge. Drawing on seven years of psilocybin work and the idea that fear is false evidence appearing real, she came to accept her own mortality.
Does having money bring abundance?
No — she describes abundance as a mental state, about having enough within and being enough as a human being. Her mother's widow's mentality left her financially frightened, and she spent much of her life chasing abundance. Money buys a degree of freedom, but without inner work a person stays as poor as a beggar.
In their words
I literally crawled on my belly back into the world and full of shame, full of regret.
I'm one of those people pretty much like you. Yeah, I discovered that rock bottom actually has a basement.
There was no part of me that wanted more, there was no part of me that had any craving. In fact, the exact opposite had happened. I was full, I was calm, I had peace.
The age of money is over. All that is left is your search for joy and freedom.
We have the amazing ability to transform, and that's the magic of being human, and we can transform our thoughts, we can transform our situations, our circumstances.
Key takeaways
- Ferguson's recovery began in 1999 on a homeless farm with nothing, and her first memoir came only after roughly five years clean.
- She believes the clinic that diagnosed her with bipolar 2 was treating trauma with labels and pills rather than engaging with what had happened.
- Her first psilocybin ceremony produced no craving at all, which convinced her the substance is a medicine wrongly scheduled alongside heroin and meth.
- Psilocybin work is work, not recreation — she journeys only two or three times a year, always for a specific reason.
- Fear, in her account, is a state of mind that was fed to people on a mass scale during lockdown, and tragedy can be used as an opportunity to confront it.
- Rescuing a puppy, Joe, taught her more about nurturing and about herself than any person had.
Show notes
In this episode, I chat with Melinda about her latest book, Bamboozled. This is probably one of the best interviews I have done in a long time. Join me as I travel with Melinda through her journey of Shamanism and Psilocybin. Her account of the journey and how it helped her achieve deep inner healing.
Whatever you do, get the entire series of books starting with Smacked, followed by Hooked and Crashed. All are available online or at good bookstores.
Frequently asked questions
How often does she take psilocybin?
Over roughly seven years she has journeyed about two or three times a year, always for a specific purpose. She stresses it should be done in a safe space with responsible, trusted watchers, not casually alone.What does the fear acronym stand for?
What does the fear acronym she uses stand for?
False evidence appearing real. David adds two alternatives from his late mentor, David Patient: face everything and recover, or the f-word everything and run — with the point that consciousness means realising you have a choice.
Where can Bamboozled be bought?
In good bookstores, on Takealot and on Amazon. As an e-book it is only available in southern African territories. David recommends reading the earlier memoirs too — Smacked, Hooked and Crashed.
What is Melinda working on next?
She is publishing a run of books, including one called Samurai Sword Murder, with more planned for the following year. She wants to keep writing, and suggests there may be another memoir in about three years.
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